Last night I was almost asleep when I realised I'd forgotten to apply lip balm. Dry lips are the bane of my life (uh, after my eyebrows... and the perma-hangnail on my thumb... and - oh, never mind, back to the point), so I drenched up the energy to reach into my nightstand and fumble around the mess for my trusty tube of Homeoplasmine .
It was not there.
Instead I pulled out a tube of Lanisoh nipple balm, the most useless item I bought when I was pregnant. I never needed it. My puppies adjusted to breastfeeding pretty effortlessly, bless their not-that-little souls.
So I gazed at the tube of Lanisoh sleepily through my lashes, thought 'fuck it, if babies are allowed to eat it it must be safe enough', and smeared some on my lips. It's very thick and clear, like a balmy-paste thing. It doesn't taste or smell of anything, either.
I woke up eight hours later with the stuff STILL ON, lips perfectly plump and moisturised, no cracks, not even a hint of dryness.
I thought you guys should know about it.
Best. Lipbalm. Ever.